I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
