my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think a kid would responsible me up
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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