I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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