im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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