She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
