i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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