So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
