Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
