I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
