I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I intend to get homeless drunk
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Ladies don't puke and tell
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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