I wish I only lived at night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
