i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
