This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
even my farts smell like vagina
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
