Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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