I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
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You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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