he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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