I could have mohawked her pubes.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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