So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
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Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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