come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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