Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
