You're my little dorito
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
