i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
What drink are we having for lunch?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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