Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
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