2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
