I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
