I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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