Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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