Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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