i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He passed out mid-signature
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
