Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
