Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
