apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
