I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
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I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
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Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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