I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Just pee around me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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