the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
