I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
