i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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