Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
