Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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