how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
