All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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