He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
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I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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