Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
