This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
