I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
