Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
