Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
