I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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