ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
