Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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