Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
