I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
