Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
