now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
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WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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