It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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