Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
