So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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