hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
