Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
