I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
