Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
