i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
