I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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