Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
