I heard we made out
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
