You can't special order awesome
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Who died my cat blue again?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
