I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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