Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
