i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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